How did your day go today? How did your kiddo's day go?
Did you see anything behind the good, bad or unusual, or did you just look at face value on the happenings of today?
There is so much more around all of us than what is obvious. A kiddo's melt down over homework may be just about homework, but it may also mean that he or she is afraid to do the work because they are afraid they may get something wrong, or not do what you expect them to do. They may also have misunderstood something that was said and think the very worst, when in fact, that "something that was said" was inconsequential.
I have been reminded lately that what we see on the surface often is not at all what is going on. We all need to be really mindful of what things are behind our kiddos actions at this point of a new school year as well as change of seasons. Shorter days, less outside activity time and school work can really wear on our kids.
We might consider looking for reasons to give small, specific praises to our kids, as specificity is what they actually need. Often, global compliments like "Great Job", does not make an impact, but "you did a great job having a good attitude about homework tonight", does compute!
We had marvelous quote by Einstein up for a long time in our sons room, and it is so very good to be reminded of this truth, by arguably the most brilliant scientist of all time (who definitely had aspergian tendencies btw:) ) He said : "Not everything that can be counted, counts; and not everything that counts can be counted."
I still love this quote so very much.
In a world that gives worth to a person based on GPA's, rankings, popularity, and what accolades they may receive, it is a good thing to remember God doesn't care one bit about that stuff.
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:18
We have a support group for moms in the Tulsa area!
Our group meets the first Thursday of every month from 7-9p.
We welcome all moms who are parenting children who have Asperger's Syndrome.
For locations and last minute updates about meetings, check here or (even better) check our Facebook page.
We are currently meeting in the back room at Mazzio's on 51st & Sheridan in Tulsa.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Yes, a new school year has started! What does that mean to Mom's of kiddos that are wired differently?
- Happier kid, because they have structure again!
- Angry kid, because they hate homework!
- Happier kid, because they are around a friend/friends!
- Sad kid, because they don't feel like they have friends!
- Happier kid, because they love music/recess/math/science, etc.!
- Frustrated kid because they don't understand the world in general (Yet!)!
- Happier Mom, because they kiddo is in school
- Frustrated Mom, because their life is taken over by helping with homework for hours every day!
- Happier Mom, because they know their kid needs to be in the world and learn to navigate social, even if it's painful, while they are still in a semi-protected environment!
- Stressed out Mom, juggling all of the multiple assignments, due dates, activities, emotions
And so it goes. You could just as easily put in "Dad" here as well, as we know!
So, any combination of the above; home schooled, public school, private school, we all feel an increase in momentum at this time of year. Things happen in our society beginning in about September that change the "feel" of life, and if we "feel" that change, our kiddos feel that at about the power of 10 - we must always remember that! As the parent of a 17 year old who has navigated these waters for a while, I can tend to forget that. Until. Something brings that back into super sharp focus! The wiring of our kids will always be there - and be different than the typical person, although those wires start to be lots more settled in the majority of our kids as they grow older. However, they will always have a predisposition to whatever their particular weakness is when things overwhelm them. Last week for instance, we had a rough day - with multiple things going on all at once, and we were racing around trying to get them all done, and we were all about to implode. The choice we can make at such a time is to continue to escalate along with our kid - which is not a good idea.
Or, we can be still.
At the moment when I really wanted to escalate along with my 17 year old, I told him to stay in the chair at his desk and not move, and I chose to walk out into the yard and sit on a zero gravity chair. Turns out that was a really good idea.
As I sat there and breathed, and looked out at the technicolor of a summer evening, heard the locusts and sound of the breeze, I just breathed. All the escalation emotion evaporated. And, I heard in my soul "be still and know I am God." If you look up the different translations of this power verse, it is pretty cool the different meanings that are given: Be still, Cease striving, Stop your fighting, Be in awe, Return, Let go,
Good Stuff. If you have not been to a Wrights Law seminar (free every year in Oklahoma City in December) you need to go. One of the principal thing this attorney teaches is when you get that call from school that something crazy has happened, DO NOT DO ANYTHING right away (unless your kids life is in danger of course). He speaks that there are very few things that happen that actually demand immediate action, and that if you wait, and think and get council, etc., you will most likely have a much better outcome. I think this is just restating what God already has in place for us. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the most powerful thing we can do is to actually not DO anything. But instead Be Still and simply be aware that there is a God who loves us and our kids, who made them for a purpose, and although it may be difficult at times, if we will be still on occasion, He can help calm that storm and give us the breath to get up and go again.
"Be still, and know that I am God; ..." Psalm 46:10